A week into the new year and I’m already in need of a vacation. My head feels like it’s ready to explode. There are not enough hours in the day to do all of the things I need to get done. It’s my own fault really…I procrastinate and leave things until the last minute, and if any of you know me enough by now, you know that’s how I roll.
Deadlines to me are like the finish line to a runner, the last bite of dinner to reveal a clean plate and a full stomach.
I wait…I leave things until I cannot ignore them any longer and they press on my mind like a vise squeezing my brain.
Last year at this time my goal was to finish three books…I finished two and started another (it’s a series) and I left the one I’ve got almost done sitting in my folder waiting anxiously for me to write THE END.
Have I done it…NO!
I’ve got close to 62,000 words written, a good plot going on and some great characters. So, what’s my problem? Usually when this happens, I’m writing until I finish, but not this time.
Instead I’ve left it. Ignored the guilt, the nagging, the over whelming urge to pick it up and finish the damn thing. I’ve looked the other way, busied myself with other writing and researching and now here I am.
What is the problem?
Why can’t I finish this book?
Well, I’ll tell you. Something is wrong with it. I’ve known this since about 30,000 words in. There isn’t enough depth, emotion…or something else. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I know it’s there, or maybe it’s my own way of saying wait. Hell, I don’t know and it’s driving me nuts. The thought of delving back into the story overwhelms me and instead of picking up the book, I find myself reaching for a glass of whiskey instead.
What’s a writer to do?
Most of my author friends understand what I’m going through. It is the creator’s way of finding perfection!
The book has to be seamless. I know this is not going to happen, but damn it the bloody thing needs to be close to it. I refuse to release a book my readers aren’t going to enjoy. I know some won’t like it, and that’s okay, but this is my career and I take it seriously. Yes, I write because of the passion inside of me, but I also write for them.
I must muddle my way through even though it will mean late nights, headaches, a lot of re-working, and even more whiskey. The finish line may be further off than I want it to be, but I will reach it—I have to!
And if all else fails…the liquor store is only a few blocks away!